SPRINGDALE - When the current crop of Arkansas Razorbacks finish their football careers, some of them might consider exploring the world of stand-up comedy.
Apparently they deliver one-liners just as well as they deliver hits.
A host of Razorbacks displayed their punch-line skills Friday at the annual kickoff luncheon for Arkansas football at the Northwest Arkansas Convention Center.
Coach Bret Bielema was joined at the luncheon by his wife, Jen, and the 105-man roster while his assistants continued to work on game-planning for the Aug. 31 season opener against Louisiana-Lafayette.
The Razorbacks’ new coach personally changed up the format this year, opening the event with an interesting twist. Bielema approached the microphone and introduced starting quarterback Brandon Allen, and from there a succession of about 50 players came to the podium in alphabetical order, introducing the next player until redshirt freshman Deatrich Wise tossed it to senior center Travis Swanson.
Swanson, a team captain and the most decorated of the Arkansas veterans, thanked the crowd for their attendance and continued support and then tossed it back to emcee Jimmy Dykes.
The players capitalized on their 10- or 20-second windows to throw out interesting facts about teammates, mention hometowns, poke a little fun and crack wise.
Safety Eric Bennett introduced lineman Cordale Boyd by saying: “One of his favorite things to do is go to all-you can-eat buffets.”
Safety Alan Turner broke up the crowd by saying of tight end Alex Voelzke: “He likes to look in the mirror and watch himself put on a jock strap.” Later, Dykes pointed out the red-faced Voelzke and said: “I’m glad I’m not the only one who likes to do that.”
Cornerback Will Hines introduced kicker Zach Hocker as the highest-rated Arkansas player on the video game NCAA Football ‘13 and said “90 percent of the girls on campus want to be his girlfriend.”
Guard Brey Cook described deep snapper Alan D’Appollonio as a “brilliant young mind” and as someone who looks like Austin Powers, the fanciful spy of Hollywood fame played by Mike Myers.
Allen, whom Bielema said loses in ping pong to his younger brother, Austin, welcomed lineman Austin Beck to the stage by saying he’s an aspiring auctioneer. Beck grabbed the microphone and showed his skills in the art of auction.
Backup quarterback AJ Derby took a jab at linebacker Brooks Ellis, saying “he does curls every night just so he can pick up girls.”
The crowd found out from Boyd that junior center Luke Charpentier is from Cut Off, La., which is surrounded by bayous and is just a short air-boat ride to the Gulf of Mexico. Charpentier, who has drawn rave reviews for his work behind Swanson, also divulged that he worked on shrimp boats for about four years.
True freshman receiver Melvinson Hartfield, who has been on campus for about two weeks, showed he is still learning about the program by struggling with the last name of fellow receiver Keon Hatcher.
Hartfield was the start of a chain of wideouts - Hartfield, Hatcher, Hawkins and Javontee Herndon - that was broken up only by highly-touted tight end Hunter Henry, which could be the precursor to an “H” inspired nickname for a pass-catching unit that also includes Julian Horton.
Blue chip tailback Alex Collins said he found out cornerback Jared Collins was a distant cousin, to which Jared Collins replied, “Thank you, cousin,” before breaking the news that Cook had “shaved his beard.”
Cook had been sporting the mountain man growth, which Bielema joked earlier in camp was holding five pounds of water weight after a practice, but Cook’s beard would be better described now as “lightly trimmed” rather than shaved.
Linebacker Austin Jones introduced defensive tackle Byran Jones as being from Junction City, La., which is technically true, but linebacker Braylon Mitchell pointed out moments later that Byran played for the Junction City Dragons in Arkansas, where the high school is situated in the small Union County border town.
And so it went, with nuggets of information passing from the players to the crowd, tightening the bond between the program and its fans, all from the mind of Bielema, who also unveiled the “breaking bread with someone you don’t know” tactic for his players’ dinner a couple of weeks ago.
Bielema, speaking later, made no promises about Arkansas’ record this fall, but he hinted of his inspiration at “completing a circle” from Frank Broyles to Hayden Fryto himself at Arkansas.
“I believe these things are in line for something that’s very special,” he said.
Then Bielema pointed to the players, who wore their red jerseys and were scattered about the round tables in the room.
“That’s why I know we’ll have success,” he said, “the guys sitting at your tables.”
Sports, Pages 19 on 08/24/2013